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Barre, Pennsylvania. Albany, Kentucky. Real DL guys, they have something to lose, too. It's just safer to be with someone who has something to lose. That's not me. That kind of logic infuriates many mainstream gay people. To them, life on the DL is an elaborately rationalized repudiation of everything the gay rights movement fought for -- the right to live without shame and without fear of reprisal.
It's a step back into the dark days before liberation, before gay-bashing was considered a crime, before gay television characters were considered family entertainment and way, way before the current Supreme Court ruled that gay people are ''entitled to respect for their private lives. I get that it's hot to see some big burly hip-hop kid who looks straight but sleeps with guys, but the bottom line is that it's dishonest. I think you have to love who you are, you have to have respect for yourself and others, and to me most men on the DL have none of those qualities.
There's nothing 'sexy' about getting H. That's not what being a real black man is about. Though the issues being debated have life-and-death implications, the tenor of the debate owes much to the overcharged identity politics of the last two decades. As Chauncey points out, the assumption that anyone has to name their sexual behavior at all is relatively recent. But it's hard for people to accept that something that seems so intimate and inborn to them as being gay or straight isn't universal.
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Whatever the case, most guys on the DL are well aware of the contempt with which their choices are viewed by many out gay men. And if there are some DL guys willing to take the risk -- to jeopardize their social and family standing by declaring their sexuality -- that contempt doesn't do much to convince them they'd ever really be welcome in Manhattan's Chelsea or on Fire Island. They say, 'I will leave Podunk and I will go to the gay barrios of San Francisco and other cities, and I will go live there, be who I really am, and be part of the mainstream.
So increasing numbers of black men -- and, lately, other men of color who claim the DL identity -- split the difference. They've created a community of their own, a cultural ''party'' where whites aren't invited. And that, he says, is a way for DL men to assert some power. Still, for all the defiance that DL culture claims for itself, for all the forcefulness of the ''never apologize, never explain'' stance, a sense of shame can hover at the margins.
It's the inevitable price of living a double life. Consider these last lines of a DL college student's online profile. You aint dl if you have a V. You aint dl if you call ur dude 'gurl. Put some bass in ur voice yo and whats tha deal wit tha attitude? If I wanted a broad I would get one -- we both know what we doin is wrong. The world headquarters of the Web site www. The site's founder, Rick Dickson, invites me to watch one of its live Web casts, which he says feature ''the most masculine DL brothers in the world doing what they do best.
Rick opens the door holding a cigarette in one hand and a beer in the other.
Inside, a group of young black men sit in a thick haze of cigarette smoke as the song ''Bitch Better Have My Money'' plays from a nearby stereo. By the far wall, two men type frantically on computer keyboards, participating in 30 chat-room conversations at once. Near the street-front window, which is covered by a red sheet, there are three muscular black men in their early 20's.
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Rick sits down and lights another cigarette. A part-time comic who goes by the stage name Slick Rick, he has a shaved head, piercing green eyes and a light-skinned face with a default setting on mean. Twice a week, Rick's thugs, as he calls them, perform a sex show for anyone who cares to log on. Although less than a year old, the site has developed a devoted following, thanks mostly to chat-room word of mouth. One of the site's most popular stars is a tall, strikingly handsome year-old former Division 1 basketball player, who goes by the name Jigga.
When I first meet Jigga about 10 minutes before the show, he's naked, stretching and doing push-ups in an adjacent room as he peppers me with questions about journalism and sportswriting. I love to argue.
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Unlike some of the other streetthugz stars who dropped out of school and hustle for money, Jigga says he comes from a close middle-class family and always did well academically. Considering all that, I ask him how he came to find himself here. What can I say? I'm vain. Like many guys on the DL, Jigga first connected to other DL men through phone personals lines, which still have certain advantages over Internet chat rooms.
At p. The phone won't stop ringing as viewers call to make requests ''Can I talk to Jigga when he's done?
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Say wuzzup to Detroit! The show temporarily goes ''off air'' when Chi, a year-old promoter for the site, trips over the MegaCam's power cord. While someone else plugs it back in, he takes a seat on the sidelines. Thin and deceptively strong, Chi looks younger than his age. He has a tattoo on his left arm, which he tells me is a reminder of his gang days. Back then, he says, before he moved to Cleveland, his life was a disaster: he had three kids with three women and spent most of his 20's in jail for drug trafficking.
Chi says he doesn't deal drugs anymore -- not since his mother, a heroin addict, died with a needle in her arm. Today he works at a fast-food joint in a shopping-mall food court and is a talent scout for Rick, which means that if he spots a young black man with ''the look'' tough, masculine and preferably with a wild streak , he'll ask him if he'd like to take some pictures for money -- or, better yet, act in one of the site's live sex shows.
When Rick has seen enough foreplay, he throws condoms at the boys. Rick has been making a big deal to me about how his site promotes safe sex, which he insists is a moral obligation at a time when so many young black men in America are dying of AIDS. But previous viewers of the show told me they didn't see condoms being used, and the site boasts of keeping everything ''raw. The actors seem somewhat bored, but the point, I gather, is not what they do on camera, but how they look.
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And these guys look straight -- in fact, they look as if they might rather be having sex with women.