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The users I interviewed told me that when they closed their phones and reflected on the shallow conversations and sexually explicit pictures they sent, they felt more depressed, more anxious, and even more isolated. Some experience overwhelming guilt following a sexual encounter in which no words are spoken.

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And yet they keep coming back for that temporary emotional relief. One user told me that he feels so bad after a hookup that he jumps right back on the app, continuing the cycle until he is so tired he falls asleep. Every once in a while, he deletes the app, but he finds himself downloading it the next time he feels rejected or alone. Not all Grindr users are addicted and depressed, of course. Some users I interacted with seem to use Grindr in a healthy, positive way.

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Why do so many of these men turn to Grindr to begin with? One year-old user told me that the only places he can find gay men are clubs and Grindr, and both are hypersexualized. The cultures of both intimidate him. The year-old is afraid of rejection, and Grindr shields him from the pain of in-person turndowns. His relationships, he says, start with casual sex on Grindr.

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They first meet at 2 am for a hookup. Then the next step may be drinks. Another user told me he downloaded the app hoping to find a husband. The mental health professionals I spoke to are seeing problematic Grindr use in their clinics. And there is little published guidance on how to help those who are struggling. Doctors I spoke to say the best available tools for treating problematic Grindr use are the ones they use in general sex addiction treatment.

Citalopram, a common antidepressant, was shown in one small study to be helpful with sex addiction in gay men. Naltrexone, a drug commonly used for other compulsive behaviors, may work as well. For more extreme cases, patients could request hormonal implants that turn off testosterone signaling, making sexual cravings less intense.

However, even these treatments have modest empirical support at best , and none have been studied for hookup app use specifically. Shane Kraus, the director of the behavioral addictions clinic at Bedford Veterans Hospital and an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, says the most promising treatment for problematic Grindr use is likely talk therapy techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy CBT. CBT can teach patients to engage in other behaviors that are more productive though often more difficult and time-consuming than Grindr to help them feel loved or supported.

Another psychotherapeutic technique known as acceptance and commitment therapy ACT can help teach patients how to better tolerate the feeling of being alone without logging on to Grindr. The dynamics of Grindr, though, are complicated, and it can take time to work through all the angles. Are you self-soothing anxiety? Are you addicted to sex? Have you lost interest in your monogamous relationship? That is where people are dating. These might range from previous relationship traumas triggered by former partners or during childhood, to body hang-ups or conflicts around sexual identity, monogamy and confidence.

In a survey by careers consultancy Vault, one in four workers said the MeToo movement had made them view workplace relationships as less acceptable Credit: Alamy. Her tips include dedicating around five hours a week to chat to potential matches or meet people in real life, being more conscious about the kind of person you are looking for, and actively searching for relevant spaces where you can approach potential dates directly.

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Damona Hoffman argues that dating requires a certain degree of dedication and intention that many millennials are lacking Credit: Damona Hoffman. Relate, a Scandinavian dating and relationships start-up, arranges singles parties to foster deeper connections and personal growth Credit: Relate. Should I delete Tinder? These millennials think so. Share using Email.


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Bookmark this article. By Maddy Savage. You need a lot of swipes to get a match, a lot of matches to get a number, a lot of numbers to get a date and a lot of dates to get a third date — Scott Harvey.

You have to be very good about describing yourself to look very interesting — Matt Franzetti. Against the odds? The app actively encourages people to use it when traveling and wants to create a community worldwide, so why not be part of that? Right, Mr. Right Now or Mr. Traveling is a time to get out of your comfort zone, right? So download a hook-up app and get exploring! The app seeks to help its audience connect both in and out of the bedroom, and provide a platform where you never have to lie about your age or anything else to meet other men.

This is a place to just be who you are, not have to pay for what you want. And while they dragged their heels, they now finally have an app! Primarily used in the USA, many of us will be familiar with their website and its popularity with closeted servicemen or politician types — and we did find the app continues this trend. Yet another option to find a date, chat, friends, casual fun, or more with unlimited profiles in five different grids based on your location.

We did, however, like their Plan-a-Trip feature, which lets you show your travel plans in advance. Perfect if you are the organized type and want a hook-up ready when your flight lands. Who knows, they might even meet you at the airport. BoyAhoy claims to be a global network for meeting gay men, but its popularity is definitely rather confined. Instantly meet like-minded men near you and expand your social network with the tap of a button.

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Find a party, make new friends, or look for a hot and steamy hook-up anytime, anywhere. Likewise, the travel feature does not seem to work particularly well on the free version. This app is also a sister app to meet me. Like many things from the land of the rising sun, 9monsters is just a little weird and bizarre.

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Something like Grindr meets Pokemon. Mainly, the app has three unique functionalities — a breeding system, auto-translate messaging, and spot-jumping. You can then use the auto-translate feature to chat, or the spot-jumping to appear anywhere in the world without GPS being required. This means that before heading to places like Osaka or Tokyo , you can connect with other monsters there beforehand.

Download it now and give it a go.


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